Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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