just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
