just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
