woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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