so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
