Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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