Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
