I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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