Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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