I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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