this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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