You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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