Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
