i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
