How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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