Ambien. No doubt about it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
