my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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