omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
