quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
