I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
