my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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