yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
