the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
