Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
