the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy