I accidentally burped into my bong.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.