yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.