i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now