just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
