I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!