You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
