I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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