Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
