she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
