Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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