The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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