Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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