i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I currently don't understand fingers.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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