Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
