The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
