all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
