I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize