My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
