My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
