Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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