I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
