we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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