You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
