is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
