I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
