Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
