She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
