i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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