I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
