I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
