Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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