Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
