probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
