why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
