pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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