Just fell off a train. Bad.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
