He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
