I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
