I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My ass is underappreciated
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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