You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I could fuck to npr.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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