the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
