matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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