Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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