just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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