dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
