piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize