James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
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I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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