Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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