I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
