I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
