I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
