My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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