No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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