I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
